Don't have none...

[Particle Man]

So I had to go into town to get some office supplies... while I was down there, I decided to go to the McDonald's drive-through for a salad.... I'm not a huge fast food fan, so this was something of a fit of temporary insanity for me.

Soooooo... I pulled up to the little speaker thing and this guy's voice (pre-recorded) asks me if I'd like to try a mocca something-or-other... when I replied that I was not, in fact, interested in a mocca whosit but just wanted a plain salad with grilled chicken and no dressing, this lady came over the speaker and asks me to repeat what I wanted... okaaaaaaaay... so I asked, again, for a salad with grilled chicken and no dressing. She sounded confused but apparently decided to roll with it and gave my total and asked me to drive ahead.

As I pulled up to the window, the confusion began....

McD. Lady: "I'm sorry, we don't have no salad today."
Oh, I was just in the mood for this kind of exchange... the evil just welled to the surface

Me: "Excelent, how soon will that be ready?"

McD. Lady: *confused look* "But we don't have no salad..."

Me: "So you're saying you have salad? Excelent, that's a lucky coincidence because that's exactly what I ordered."

McD. Lady: "Uh... but..."
At this point, I could swear I started to see smoke come out of her ears

Me: "You just said 'We don't have no salad.' 'No salad' describes a state in which there is absolutely zero salad to be found in the building... by then adding that you 'don't have' to the 'no salad,' you're stating that you are, indeed, not in a state where there is zero salad to be found in the building. Logically, that means that there is salad available."

McD. Lady: "Um, I think I need a manager" *she disappears from the window for a minute and proceeds to come back with a young man with "Manager" on his nametag*

McD. Manager: "Can I help you?"

Me: "Sure, I'd like to know when my salad will be ready. This lady has advised me that you "don't have no salad" which means that there is salad available.

McD. Manager: *click... I could see understanding dawn on him and a devious smile began to show on his face* "Ah yes, I understand. Well, it appears *name* here was mistaken. We don't have any salad today, we ran out about an hour ago."

McD. Lady: "But that's what I told him...

McD. Manager: "Actually, it isn't. We'll talk later... Sir, can I offer you a free beverage for the inconvenience?"

Me: "Sure... I'll take a small unsweetened iced tea please..."

Mc. Lady: "We don't have no..."

McD. Manager: *interrupts* "How about a medium? We're out of small cups until our delivery this afternoon"

Me: "That would be fine."

Sheesh. False advertising I tell ya. At least the iced tea was cold.