Man Laws

[Racerboy]

The International Council of Man Laws, Ltd.

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry, but ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss's car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, feel free to complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of 'flatulent entertainment' (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... delivered by a topless model, ...and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedo's. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem; you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just plain greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!

b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stop-watch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?', with: 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' - gets an Playstation 3!! End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.


The International Council of Man laws, Ltd.

[Particle Man]

The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?', with: 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' - gets an Playstation 3!! End of story.

Done that.

[marko138]

Agree. On all of them.

[Rider]

Another law that was left off the list. Men dont call each other to "chit chat". Our conversation consist of, Meet you at the bar at 7pm. End of conversation. Anything more than that is gay.

[PhiSig1071]

I have to disagree on the car colors one a little. Pink is never acceptable. However, the other colors are acceptable but only if they are orginal paint on a classic muscle car.

[MikeSP1]

Originally Posted by PhiSig1071

I have to disagree on the car colors one a little. Pink is never acceptable. However, the other colors are acceptable but only if they are orginal paint on a classic muscle car.

On this I will agree, but should it just be limited to muscle? Some cars from the 40s and 50s were straight BadAss like old Cadillacs, Oldsmobiles, Plymouths, or the original pre-60s T-birds.

[Amorok]

Originally Posted by Rider

Another law that was left off the list. Men dont call each other to "chit chat". Our conversation consist of, Meet you at the bar at 7pm. End of conversation. Anything more than that is gay.

This is so true. In fact, I have a time limit. Unless you're reporting a death, we're going over a set of instructions or directions, you're depressed to the point where I'M worried about you, you live in another state, or we're talking about something mechanical and one of us can't be in front of the item in question you have a three minute time limit. That's all you get. I have a few loquatious friends, and at the end of three minutes (which is a long time on the phone) if they haven't wrapped it up then it's time to schedule a bar trip.

As for rule 22, thou shalt not speak when thy dick is in thine hand. If I'm in a stall and you're at the sink we can talk as long as we can't see each other and I'm not sitting down, and if we're both at the sink it's fine. But if one of us is actively voiding waste then no conversation should take place.

For number 11, margaritas, mohitos, and any shot with a fruity name is ok. Daquiris are ok if you're in the presence of mostly girls, there's no beer available, you didn't actually blend them, and you'll probably drink enough to throw up. But your friends can still make fun of you.

For number 20, you must defend your friend when he's being ripped on by girls he's not currently dating. Make it short, make the girls feel bad, and then get the fuck out of there.