Shhhhhhhhhh It.

[NONE_too_SOFT]

Thank you, random person, for punching me with your over sized gorilla hands last night. My jaw feels great this morning, and the black eye i'm sure to have by this evening will just shout "look at me im a jackass". I wish you wouldn't have ran out of the bar before i got a good look at you so i could have told you that you hit like a girl. which you dont.

Even though your girlfriend came up to the bar to talk to ME, im sure what ever it was that i had said to her justified you flying out of nowhere and clocking me in the side of the head. Granted, i can be an obnoxious drunk. but it is really just the human condition. Your jealous attempt to promote your alpha male status was a great way for me to break the ice with your woman, though. She is a good kisser. Hope you two made up this morning.

Irish car bomb. I love em. But if i ever buy you one, PLEASE just say thank you and take the shot. Dont spend several minutes telling me you've never had guiness, OMG how does it taste, OMG how do you do it, OMG OMG OMG. I have seen pornos that have used the phrase less than you, gorilla mans girlfriend.

My phone. Please come back to me. I miss you. I need you. I'm sorry i abandoned you at some point last night, but it was never my intention to forget where i put you. It was never my intention for forget anything last night, but here I am, without a phone, and without my altoids. How i woke up without you this morning was a mirracle of nature, and considering the amount of alcohol i drank last night, i can only imagine I am still sleeping and this is all a dream. Maybe i'll wake up and i'll be able to chew food, and my phone's alarm will go off in my shorts pocket where it is supposed to be.