Dear Abby...

[fatbuckRTO]

Originally Posted by 2up

I also think that spanking can be a symptom of lazy parenting. Not always of course, but, it is a lot easier to spank a kid then to actually talk to them and deal with what they've done.

No doubt. I figure most people's opinion as to whether spanking is acceptable or not is based largely on how they've seen it used. For my parents it was always a last resort for repeated offenses or a response to a severe violation of the rules. If they ever skipped straight to spanking I knew I fucked up big time.

[Mr Lefty]

Originally Posted by fatbuckRTO

No doubt. I figure most people's opinion as to whether spanking is acceptable or not is based largely on how they've seen it used. For my parents it was always a last resort for repeated offenses or a response to a severe violation of the rules. If they ever skipped straight to spanking I knew I fucked up big time.

same here. My parents hated spanking me... I could tell... but it was the only way to open my eyes to their point.


I'm fuck'n glad I was raised the way I was... they hurt like hell then... but I'm glad my parents beat my ass when I was out of line... especially now that I can look out and see the result of doing just the opposite.

[smileyman]

ahem* So there I was, acting out again during church, knowing that I was going to have to sit for at least another 30 minutes. Too young to remember exactly what ploy or trick finally broke Dad's patience but I remember the one arm carry thru the isle and out the door towards the car.

Knowing my ass was in a sling (cause dad's belt was fast and black) I started sweating the punishment I knew was coming. Then a miracle. Dad takes me to the passenger side of the car, opens the door, and tells me to lay across the seat. Perfect says I, knowing even then that dad was left handed. The angle of the open passenger door and the aforementioned left handedness meant that he would have a terrible swing or perhaps sacrifice power of the stroke by switching to the right hand!

Slap, slap, slap, the strokes across the top and back of my legs was excruciating and very instructive. I had no doubts that right or left handed justice was swift and that the consequences for misbehavior was NOT worth the crime. Never had to learn that lesson again

[azoomm]

I hope some of you will grow some patience before you have children.

I have never raised a hand to my children. And, I can assure you - they completely respect me and the other adults in their lives.

Hitting DOES equate violence. I don't care how you think you did it. It plants into their mind fear and the concept that conflicts should be resolved or dealt with in a physical manner. This was one thing I wanted to make sure my daughters learned without any sort of physical behavior.

Just because I don't spank my children it does not mean they do not have discipline. It is something that as a parent you need to figure out. What will get them to pay attention. Is it taking away a favorite toy? Or, is it building a household around them wanting to strive for posetive aspects?

Let's look at something more simple. Let's take training a dog. Do you hit your dog when they do something you don't want them to do? Or, do you get onto the floor with them and praise them or give them treats when they do something posetive?

It takes patience. It takes consistant behavior. It takes posetive reinforcement and swift action rather than reaction. Too much of what you are seeing around you with "kids today" isn't from lack of discipline. It's from parents not having the patience to actually raise children. It's threats that aren't followed through on and the want to be buddies. It's about thinking with your head rather than just going with what you know from when you were growing up. Just because it was good enough for you, that doesn't mean it is best for your children.

I won't ever strike my child - not in anger, not with the idea of teaching them something, certainly not just because I was when I was young.

[Rsv1000R]

I believe your children need to understand you're the parent at a young age, if they do, they won't raise a hand when they're older. Discipline is best severed when children are young, then in general the amount of physical punishment needed when they're older is minimal.

[njchopper87]

Whoa whoa.. I think there's still some leftover hatred in the air from that other thread of the parents beating the kid to death.

Spanking was ALWAYS a last resort for my parents. It was NEVER more than a punishment and they HATED doing it. Like OSP and several others said.. sometimes taking the toys, phones etc just don't add up. Sometimes you have to use the ace up the sleeve. I concur what several others said about appreciating it later on in my life. I never feared my parents, I feared the consequences. Of course I didn't like it, that's the point. Did I understand why it was happening? You betcha.

I'm basically repeating what everyone else said. But maybe it'll sink in that there's a fine line between discipline and abuse. If you can raise kids without spanking, more power to you. However, some need it. If you want to see what happens when you don't beat your kids just turn on MTV. Though most of those shows are a fraud, they depict the image perfectly.

Edit: Also, agreed on painting the lines to kids early.

Second Edit: I'm not saying every crime = spanking. I'm saying when kids REALLY fuck up. For example, I gave my parents the scare of their life when I went around the block on my bike and never returned. Why was I late? Me and several other kids were playing in the gully where we were explicitly told not to. We knew we were in trouble when all of our parents rounded the corner. Bare in mind there were 4 or 5 of us, so you can picture the crowd of parents.

[fatbuckRTO]

Originally Posted by azoomm

I won't ever strike my child - not in anger, not with the idea of teaching them something, certainly not just because I was when I was young.

There's a difference between doing something "just because it was done to me" and doing something because "it was done to me and I like the way it worked." From the tone of most of the posts in this thread, the majority of people here who endorse spanking do so for the latter reason.

[azoomm]

Originally Posted by fatbuckRTO

There's a difference between doing something "just because it was done to me" and doing something because "it was done to me and I like the way it worked." From the tone of most of the posts in this thread, the majority of people here who endorse spanking do so for the latter reason.

No, the majority don't do it at all because they aren't parents. AND, they would do it because it was done to them and they think it worked.

They know no other method. Or, they think any other method is a hug and a cookie...

[fatbuckRTO]

Originally Posted by azoomm

AND, they would do it because it was done to them and they think it worked.

"Think it worked?"

Originally Posted by azoomm

Or, they think any other method is a hug and a cookie...

Given the choice between results I've witnessed first hand and "somebody told me this works great," I'll go with the first hand results any day of the week.

[Particle Man]

I never actually got my ass beat as a kid.. but I knew my parents were serious about going through with a hide tanning if I did something that was seriously out of line. I respected them for that and was pretty well behaved...